ive wanted to share ideas/creativities for a long time and it has been stuck in my head for too long.. i shall write and write,
And now im taking responsibility over my own present and to regret something because you never did it is way worse than regretting something that you did!
- Ever wondered how the world is for someone else? Ever dared to put yourself in their shoes hmm?Perhaps you should, close your eyes, imagine the person, imagine the world trough that persons eyes.
- Go away from other pepole, sometimes praising of authenticity is mediocricy in itself. i want to imagine more..
- dont you think its a really stupid thing to beleve that since you changed as a person, got new interests and everything that it dorsnt mean that your friend wont like you oe rwant to be with you. no, is that you deliberetly show that the only thing that connected you were the common interests and not heart, its so icky, so selfish, so unconsiderate, so bland
There really is the kind of advice someone gives that is just on the basis of their own ego an din order to just put you down. That advice is usually robust- never really responds to your problem, nor has it the underlaying scent of "hey, i want to help you" to it either. Usually just thrown into the air as a typical "Will to power"-neitche-bby-follower moment where pepole who actually dont know the subject just blabbers with nonsense in order to feel better about themselfs. "Oh! Healthy body healthy mind!" Like this is typically super-obvious adcice with a egotisctical,narcicietic (lod idk these words), stupid underlaying reason. Keep up for when that happens.
takes me back i was suffering for something and the biggest response was "oh, well obviously, you derserve itm you decided to stick too long with it"; wich is true, however it is rude,non-empathic,blaming, and hurting to do with someone you dont really know. everyone suffers, everyone has some shit to worry about...
25.03.2024- Thinkings #4
I have the freedom to do everything and annything but it drains me and dulls my being, because i do it and at the same time i do nothing. I have no concrete interest to try to connect to or with annyone, i learn about the stars on the starry sky and then the stupidity of the educational system to intellectual history to artists to getting lost in thought thinking about different kinds of fish
04.03.2024- Thinkings #3
You will never know how it is to be trult alone until you start to preach to others you need for contacts. It seems like a lot of pepole or pepole from medias but i can sense others having the same sense too that loneliness is the thing that eats at you when you are out clubbing og hanging out with a lot of pepole. No, that is not fucking loneliness: it is you not being able to share your heart with other pepole. You rasp and ghasp and groan, but you never SPEAK and pepole will never fucking know, nor do they care for that matter- why? you may ask? Well, of course! They are too busy to care about their own goddamn "loneliness". Nowaydays we are infected to believe that there is only one mind that exist:my mind. Mind is everyhwere, yes theres a self or ego or mattter or spirit- you just have to feel more. Do you even have a "heart" then?
Do you wanna know a fucking funny thing eh? Youre gonna live with that body of your for the rest of your life, and your souls, and your eyes and mouth. Are you going to destroy it because of some other, exsternal influence? Are you going to destroy your character because others characters seem better?
15.10.2024- Thinkings #2
dont you ever hear about all kinda of amazing things, universes, perspectives, amd oh, pepole! Pepole that are immensly gifted and pepole that always has a story with them, whatever story. Pepole with the smell of life around them. Pepole that are just different, that love and exsperiemce and folly! But oh, how an envious person i am. sometimes i think we hear all these great, rare stories of pepole and fictional pepole just to drown in the fictional fantasy that there is someting more outside our selfs. Of course it is! it is dragging me out, i can feel it, i wonder what to do, how and when and wether to do this and that and or not... time will answer, wont it? as long as i oush fourth and seek according to cause and effect- and wisdom, i should be arlight
10.02.2024- Thinkings #1
It feels wierd to see other pepole. I feel way anahilated from annthing, its like i dont feel like i belong.
Peraps this is when you feel like everyone else and everything else outside your point of view- you cant reach it, it is different and it is unknown- and that is why you want it, and that is why you push a certain boredomness when reflecting your own life.
I have always been a wondering person torwards other things and pepoles.. And that is probably why i can not really seem to know my Self.
30.04.2024- Doings 6#
Days are filled with the regret of not existing enough, and the annoying guilt of not being enough. Its annoying when you know you should do something but dont really know what. Ive been needing to connect with pepole more latley
29.03.2024- Doings#5
25.03.2024- Doings #4
09.03.2024- Doings #3
04.03.2024- Doings #2
01.03.2024- Doings #1
went to my dads small hut for the easter holyday.
its quiet and oretty here, most of the only noise here is the radio and my dad going around.
latley i havent been wanting to sleep, nightime is the most quiet time where i can turn off the radio and my dad is sleeping. ah peace,ah non-tieredness, ah thinking, how romantic.
i feel i have to try to think all alone, to sit and to just be all alone. The discovery of noticing i havent thought crushes me in guilt, my mother loves to do things and talk (exstrovert i guess).. no place for thought, hinderance, confusion and guilt, so much guilt. Isolated and alone, crushing crushing. I have holyday and at least free from school now though.
Just went to a random voice chat and actually talked to teens around my age same nationality as me and it was so refersing. For so long i have been growing inwards and not seeing nor reaching out for exsternal reliefs such as human connection with actuall PEPOLE MY AGE AND SAME NATIONALITY, they were vwey interesting, but also difficult to join with. I could sense the social dynamic strain and i have noticed i see and understand a lot clearer and deeper than before. Basically; ive been like this old owl soaring above the sky and looking and the ground but forgetting how the ground felt, and how the sky and trees and wind felt on the ground. Then the owl lands and joins forest mice where the forest mice shows the old, worn owl its home. its beatiful, so romantic, so passionate, so clever, so God-like to its core.
unlike usually now where i just normally try to close my eyes and sleep, always always like this. but NO! I am young, i have time and energy; i have to do stuff i woudnt else have done!! So instead of sleeping right now i am trying to code or look at my pc with my feet going back and forurth in the air (like in those 90s movies) and listening to music! live what you have not yet lived !
Went back to school today after break, i feel super warm after PE. I dont like to shower at school, taking a shower towel takes to much space and i am willing to sarcifice 2 hours witheout showering til when i have free lesson. Although a really cold shower would be nice.
i just want to write something now. I am at my grandmother so all my other habits i have in my home has stopped to a certain halt, now i have new and other rutines when i am here. Its quiet here, exept for the ringing of my grandmothers radio that sometimes annoy me when i want to focus on my reading and thinking, its arlight tho, i dont want to disturb my grams about it and i can put my headphones in and play some atmospheric music. I saw someone that looked very interesting yesterday, made me wonder and wonder about their lifes, and what part of life they were in now; To me it seemed like their life was right in the point where they could allow themselfs to dream away their life and enjoy the present moment, like how you suddendly find a game that you love so much that you just want to play and play and forget everything else.
i love it when that happens, it feels human, it feels so fulfilling and lovley and it makes me happy.
Wonder how important the need for belonging is?